eat your veggies, bitches!

Wet

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:37:52 GMT

Christian, Lilyann, Dagny, and I just walked to a couple miles in the rain to look at a potential house. We arrived very tired and wet to find the house is a huge pile of craptasticness. The front porch is is falling off the house and the entire thing was covered with lead paint chips. Then I look in the door and the front door and the frame around it is all crumbling. The entire place was a dump. Christian said he was scared and we just turned around and walked right back here.

I spent the night at Ethan and Sara's again last night. For some reason Dagny would not sleep and the air in the air mattress was so low that I kept feeling the floor. I cannot wait for nap time I think I am going to snuggle with all the kids while they sleep. The only thing that sounds better than that right now is a winning lottery ticket and a soda. :)

Dagny has been having the best time with her friends lately. I love seeing her enjoy life so much. She is just an interesting little girl. Like most children, she prefers to be naked. She is always taking her clothes off. If she is wearing something she cannot get off herself she tugs at her clothes screaming "PEAS PEAS PEAS."

She has been talking up a storm. She is slightly obsessed with hand washing and is always signing "wash hands" and saying "wash." You just try to get out of the bathroom after peeing without washing your hands! She also started saying no a lot. she tells me "no no mana" if she doesn't like what i am doing or saying. She also says "NO TOUCH!" Christian was telling her not to touch his television so that is where she got that from.

She has been pooping in the potty. Last night at Ethan and Sara's she started saying Pwup Pwup so Sara got out the little potty and Tiny Diva pooped in the potty right there in the living room. Christian was jumping up and down on the lazy boy cheering for her and Lil was saying, "Dagny poop potty!" I usually just give her a high five but she didn't seem to mind the attentions.

I am spending the holiday with the Dotson's. I am making a Tofurkey and some avocado mango salad.

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:55:15 GMT

I feel like I have nothing left. I am exhausted and depressed. I can't fight the meth cooking, the lead paint, the poverty, and every other bit of bullshit all at once.

I have tried so hard to maintain my level of okay through all of this but now I have to worry about my personal safety and the safety of my child at every moment. I am afraid to sleep in my own home. It's not like I can just up and leave with a tiny amount of money and a job that I have to work out of my home.

I am going to look at a place tomorrow but I just don't know how I can make it work even if we can get the place. I do not want to stay here any longer. I do not want to live in fear. I am so tired of money holding me back from doing what is best for us.

I don't mind living off of very little but when emergencies like this come up I have nothing. I called my mom recently because she helps my brother financially every time he gets drunk and wrecks his car and needs a new one but for me she has nothing. I felt like a dick asking anyway.

Seriously?

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:12:48 GMT

My neighbor is cooking meth in the building. We are spending the night at Ethan and sara's but after that I have no clue what to do. SO much for relaxing over the holidays. I really needed a fucking break.

Not to mention if this place is not safe I cannot watch kids here. I really need an income and... I am so pissed right now. I want to go kill this woman. I don't usually have feelings like this but I want to protect these children. I am infuriated right now.

Kid-friendly stylist in the city (and some pictures from the last couple days)

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:31:28 GMT

"Miiiiiiiiit!" (milk) I waited too long to respond to her "mit peas" so she made some demands.

__________________________________________________________________________

Dagny and I found a kid-friendly salon in my neighborhood (Alex's Salon and Spa at Hampton and Chippewa). A very nice Vietnamese family owns the place. They just moved here from Webster Groves. Webster is full of old, white people and she got bored. I don't blame her.

She brings her two sons to work so Dagny had children to play with. She gave Dagny some snacks and encouraged me to nurse her (while I was mid haircut) when she got hungry. She continued to style my hair while Dagny nursed. How awesome is that? She told me her 2.5 year old just stopped nursing recently. She turned to her husband and said, "She breastfeeds. You know when the baby sucks on the boob?" I was cracking up.

I haven't gotten my hair cut in almost a year so I am glad it was not a stressful encounter. Next time I will get it A LOT shorter but I had already been there for a long time and I did not want to make Tiny Diva wait any longer for me because she was tired and fell asleep on the walk home.

she fed me cookie then wanted it back

"mit!"

I told her I would give her milk if she kissed me. We're both signing milk.

After walking home. I am still wearing Dag-nuh

Dagny leaving her block cabinet

Dagny frustrated because she cannot open the tube. "peas peas peas"

Aftermath

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:02:19 GMT

Since Lead Safe never contacted me (they said they would) I did not know they were coming until I received a call at the buttcrack of dawn this morning. I hoped to have the warning so that someone could watch Dagny the night before so I could prepare. Since I was unable to move furniture and books and clean the surfaces my house is now a disaster area and I am supposed to clean up all things potentially contaminated as soon as possible. So NOW I need the babysitter. sheesh.

Sorry this is so last minute. Anyway if you can help either tomorrow night, Saturday night or Sunday please let me know. I just want someone to hang out with Dagny for about an hour so I can move the furniture back and clean the things and surfaces that may have lead on them. Then I will have to shower.

I will pay you in money or whatever it is that you want (uh... maybe not whatever). heh.

Please call me or text me at (314)809-1767 to let me know if you can do this. If you think I may not have your number be sure to let me know who you are if you text me. :)

The position has been filled (by a very fantastic vegan lady)!

Every single time

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:44:49 GMT

Me: how old are you?
Dagny: Dag-nuh
Me: What's your name?
Dagny: Apple!

bwahahaha. <3

Help tomorrow please? Lead safe St. Louis needs me to move some stuffs

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:51:25 GMT

Anyone willing to come over an play with Dagny and help me move a piece of furniture to the dumpster tomorrow night? It would be probably only about 30-50 minutes at the most. I have to move a bunch of things so that lead safe st. louis can do the abatement on thursday. Mr. Abatement man suggested I have someone come over because I need to wipe all this stuff off and clear out the areas so they can access the windows. I have to wipe everything near the window sills down in case they have lead dust on them and then I have to clean myself up before I can play with Dagny.

I will make dinner. If you want payment on top of dinner please tell me your requirements.

Thankee.

Fantastic Day!

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:29:45 GMT

So many good things happened today. I will list a few.

My morning started with Lead Safe St. Louis calling and telling me that they will be by on Monday to talk about immediate abatement. WAHOOOOO! Thank you, Angie, and anyone else who helped or tried to help.

We received a box from Yvie with so much awesome in it.

Here is Dagny in her sling that Yvie made. The kids have been all over the cute little things she sent. And pumpkin bread OM NOM NOM.

Tonight we go to Angie's for her birthday. I am thrilled to have an opportunity to spend time with adults. For the most part, Ethan and Sara and Semilla and Srdjan are the only adults I have regular contact with.

Two moms who need either part time emergency care or backup child care stopped in today for play date time. That was fun-oh-la.

This is why I can smile

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:31:15 GMT

I love her polite little self so much. She has better manners than most adults. :P

Almost forgot to post it here...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:41:10 GMT

Play date reminder

Tomorrow is the attachment parenting play date at Buder Library. It starts at 10 am and we will start cleanup around 1 pm.

Hopefully the weather won't ruin our first date. hehe, first date.

Do your babies feed you?

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 06:22:09 GMT

Dagny is always feeding me. If she is not shoving food in my mouth she is shoving it in my shirt. I was wondering if other moms are force fed, too.

Videos

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 07:08:19 GMT

I uploaded a couple videos to flickr. I have more but my flickr expired so I can only upload two videos a month. Boo.

Saying and signing fish. She says it quietly at the very beginning then I am not sure what she is saying after that.

being her cute self. i love her so much.

My bathroom flooded again. This building blows. The water went everywhere and there was so much it went into the basement. Every moment of every day I wish I could afford a house. There are some super cute houses for rent in my neighborhood but they are three times the price of this craphole and more than I even make a month. A girl can dream.

Dagny learned that saying please gets what she wants. She says it over and over if she wants something. Today Christian was trying to take pictures with his camera and Dagny kept saying "peaspeaspeaspeaspeaspeaspeas" all run together in his face. She went into the snack drawer and pulled out a luna bar and peaspeased me until I opened it for her. It's cute and sweet but I can tell she is going to be a very overwhelming toddler.

I really do not want dagny on youtube but let's see how it goes.

Some talking some signing. all cuteness

you'll lol. i promise.

Sweet

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:36:31 GMT

In which Dagny dances to Kinky's Mas while wielding a light saber from her Aunties. As an added bonus she is wearing an 80's style exercise shirt that says "sweet."

Ketchup

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:28:06 GMT

I have been really busy lately and not getting very much sleep. This whole noisy neighbor thing is ruining my life. I can't put Dagny to bed until after they are done being noisy and some nights she falls asleep and they wake her up so she is up until 5 am. I am going to DIE. I wish I could afford a house so we could have space, a yard, and no other people in the building to annoy and be annoyed by.

I have billion of photos so here goes.

Hi, I am freaking cute.

Dagny riding a hippo at the city museum

Dagny on a platform full of blocks at the city museum

Exploring at the city museum

Climbing. she kept pointing to the wall and saying and signing fish fish

We hopped in the ball pit together and she hunted down three balls with patterns (the rest were solid) and guarded them. I threw one and she LOST HER MIND until I went and got it. Then she would not let me touch any of the three different balls. She kept holding them and singing to them and kissing them.

My OMG I need a hair cut shot

Dagny excited about coloring at lilyann's birthday party today

Dagny pushing around lilyann

Dagny pushing lilyann

Hi Ethan

This is the guy she calls dad. :/ I need to find her a second parent before she finds out the real deal and gets all sad on me.

I need to see if I can get her to sleep so I don't fall over tomorrow watching the kidlets.

13 Months Language Progress

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:01:08 GMT

Dagny is 13 months old today. She woke up in the middle of the night ready to play so I decided to work on words and sign language with her. I was shocked at how many words she said and signed while we were working on it. Sometimes she will go hours without saying an actual word then suddenly she will go on a word spree.

I think I will track her progress monthly so I can look back on it and have it written for her when she is older.

milk- she just starting asking for milk for nursing yesterday because I stopped letting her nurse if she asked by pulling my shirt down and whining
dad- she calls ethan dad (and I think she called srdjan dad a couple times tonight)
grandma- she called sara grandma loud and clear several times
happy- she says "happ" and signs happy
banana- "mehmahma" she also signs it
apple
please- "peas"
thank you- still close to "geh-q"
excuse me- "scue-me"
hat
baby- she says and signs this
babydoll- "babe-dah" or "baydah"
baby time- when asking for baby signing time she says and signs "babe tah" or "baby tah"
dagny- sometimes perfectly sometimes not. she points to pictures of herself and says her name
book
poop- "pwup" when she needs to or already has gone
pee- sometimes says "pwup" but says "bee" if corrected
owl- "Oww-Wuh" the only animal she identifies in Peek A Who
more- she says and signs more if she wants more food
done- she signs it and says "dah-nuh" or "duh"
frog- tonight for the first time she clearly said "frog" while pointing to a picture of a frog
dog
fox- she said fox several times to my mom she gets fox and dog mixed up though
giraffe- "raff"
bunny rabbit- "buff raff" A picture on the wall and any bunnies made by frippy are "buff raffes"
bear- "bay-yuh"
block- "byah" or "byock"
bye
mana- this is what the kids i watch call me and dagny calls me mana when they are around
mom- but usually when she says this she just wants to nurse
fish- she said and signed fish a bunch of times tonight while working on sign language
cat- she says "at" but signs it perfectly
elephant- "fephutt"
ball
hot- if I tell her food is hot shw whispers "hot hot" or "ot ot"
eyes- while poking me or a poor baby doll in the eyes
belly button- "bell bupt" (not saying this as often as she was a couple weeks ago but still always showing her button off)
cracker
cookie- if she wasn't signing it i would never know
bath- "baff"
water- "wa-wuh"
turtle- "tuh-toe"
duck

Words she understands but does not say:
hug- she will hug you if you ask for one
kiss- she will kiss anything on command
tongue- she will show you her tongue if you ask
penguin

Attachment Parenting playgroup

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:53:27 GMT

I have not yet found a play group that worked for our little AP family so I started my own! AP playgroup will meet at the Buder Library Branch large meeting room the first Monday of every month beginning Monday, December 7th from 10 am until we begin cleanup just after 1 pm (come and go as you please).

You are welcome to bring toys and fun activities for the kids. I might bring a bag of ball pit balls to the first meeting. Unfortunately, food is not allowed in the library so if you want snacks you have to step outside. This is not ideal but the library is possibly the only free space for us to occupy in the cold winter months.

I love the idea of a playgroup at which none of us will have to worry about our kids seeing other kids get hit or yelled at and no one will get the side eye (or be gossiped about) for nursing a toddler! :)

If you are in St. Louis, please pop in and have some fun. We are booked for three months. If it works out we can make it a regular thing.

Our nursing story

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:51:58 GMT

I plan to apply to become a mommy breastfeeding mentor and step one is getting our story up so here goes. I had no support in real life since no I one I know successfully breastfed so my mommy mentor and other moms online were a huge help to me and I hope I can be of help to other moms. I was given a lot of terrible advice from people who have no idea about nursing and I want to be able to help another mom succeed and be able to tell the difference between good and bad advice.

From the moment I knew I was having a baby I knew I would breastfeed. Dagny's latch was "like a mousetrap" according to the lactation consultant at the hospital. My milk had not yet come in and Dagny was clamping on to anything placed near her jaws. At one point she got the lactation consultant's finger and it was not pretty. I remember I was still dazed from the birth and I just wanted to nurse Dagny but it just was not working right. The nurses were pawing at my breasts and it was a very odd feeling but all I cared about was getting it right for my daughter.

Dagny would properly latch here and there when we were in the hospital but most of the experience there was painful. She tore my nipples to shreds and I was left with what looked like two bloody black eyes instead of nipples. I worried that breastfeeding would always be this way but I continued to try. I kept asking for the lactation consultant but she did not come back again until right before we left the hospital.

In the meantime, I was pumping with a hospital grade pump and cosleeping with Dagny in the hospital bed for the skin to skin contact. I continued latching her on constantly but still we were having trouble when it was time to leave the hospital. A doctor came to our room and told me Dagny lost too much weight and I would have to formula feed. They gave me a huge case of formula and used some serious scare tactics to get me to use it. Turns out Dagny had not even lost the 10% that would raise red flags and they were pushing formula for no good reason. They stressed me out about logging every nursing session and every diaper and I wondered how as I single mom I was going to manage keeping a captain's log while also taking care of a baby. Things were a lot simpler than the medical professionals made them out to be.

Within five days my milk came in and the moment it happened our nursing relationship turned around. I remember looking at my nipples in the mirror before the milk came in wondering how many months it would take before the bleeding bruises would disappear but just three days after my milk came in I was as good as new.

I spent every waking moment nursing Dagny in the beginning. I don't recall ever getting out of my glider chair. She nursed around the clock and gained weight quickly.

Everything went smoothly until we had a bout of thrush last summer. We could not get rid of it for months and it was painful for both of us. The heat resulted in a nursing strike (which also resulted in my period returning for which I am still bitter) and I could not afford medicine. I used gentian violet and topical creams but to no avail. Finally after months of suffering I was able to get some fluconazole and it went away.

I have coslept with dagny since the beginning and still do. She will be 13 months in 5 days. She still nurses around the clock but our nursing relationship has changed drastically over the past year. I can nurse while walking around the store wearing her in my mei tei. She loves to nurse standing on one foot while I lie on the floor. Nursing is a way to get her to calm down when she is cranky. It is a way to distract her when she wants to play with something that she can't have. It is a huge help to both of us.

I plan to let her wean herself and do not have a timeline in which I want this to happen. It is completely up to her and I will follow her lead just as I do in all aspects of parenting her. She has taught me so much since we met and I am so glad we were able to share this experience.

Kids are cute

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:58:30 GMT

Dagny loves putting her babydoll on the rocking giraffe and pushing them all over the room while yelling "baby! baby!". It is hilarious and so cute. She's a terrific mom to all her dollies.

Today we were on the bus and went by a church and Christian said, "Look, Mana, T!" At first I did not understand but when I did I had to laugh and say "Yes, sir, a big T. Good job with your letters, sweetie." (PS-He knows all the letters now and was spelling words with me the other day without my help!)

Speaking of sweetie... when Ava (2 years old) and Louisa (11 months old) were over here the other we heard day Louisa wake up from her nap and Ava went running to her announcing, "I'm coming, Sweetie!" <--Ava had never met Louisa before.

We went to our first La Leche League meeting today. It was nice to be around other nursing moms. There is a great play space there and the kids had a great time. I got to meet Sacha's BFF and her adorable son there. After the meeting we went to Hartford.

Blank Canvas

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:52:38 GMT

If you live in or near St. Louis check out Blank Canvas. It is a fun little art studio up the street from my place. The projects are very affordable and there is so much to choose from.

Semilla and Srdjan accompanied us there yesterday and we had a blast.

Dagny's painting

mine!

Srdjan and Semilla's

Duck has a forever home in a shadowbox in our bathroom! <3 I chose the colors so he would fit in.

It takes all kinds

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:18:30 GMT

Dagny and I were looking through the kids' books at Target when a mother and her 3 year old walk by. The mother kept yelling at her daughter about how she is not going to buy her anymore "godamned white baby dolls." She was really being hateful to this little girl and the whole scene was very disturbing. She would not lay off the poor kid. I can understand her frustration if she thought her daughter did not think the black babydolls were good enough but I don't think screaming at her and shaming her in public is going to convince this little girl that black baby dolls are just as good as white baby dolls.

Later I saw the same mother and daughter in another part of the store and she was still snapping at her and bringing up the baby doll issue. I just wanted to get Dagny the heck away from her so she would not see her being hateful to her kid.

Babywearing my 18 month old and someone else's 3 month old

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:14:04 GMT

I have a Babyhawk that I have been wearing my daughter in since she was a week old. I plan to babysit an infant three days a week early next year. My daughter now weighs 23 pounds at 12 months. I can still comfortably wear her in the babyhawk. The couple I am sitting for would like suggests for a baby carrier that I can use along with the baby hawk so I can carry my toddler and their infant.

I do not drive and we go on lots of long walks. I will also have to toddlers. I push one in a stroller and the older child walks.

So, any carrier suggestions and advice?

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:28:26 GMT

I owned two adult size glasses. Dangy broke one of them by pushing it off the window sill. I looked at her very sternly and she immediately lifted her shirt, put her finger in her belly button and said, "bell bupt." Then she hugged me.

Metro Prom

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:55:58 GMT

I just realized I never posted pics from the Metrolink Prom. For those of you outside St. Louis, the Metrolinkis our local public transport train and for Metrolink Prom some number less than 200? people dressed in formal wear and rode around on the train.

Dagny and I went with friends and had a great time.

The only shot of my full dress in which I am not lying on the floor...

Me and Dagny downtown

Semilla and Srdjan looking dashing at the chocolate shop

Semilla buying tickets

Semilla and Dagny at dinner

me and dagny on the train

the crowd pre-prom

me

Semilla and Srdjan

dinner

me and d at home after prom

Actual birthday day

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:56:35 GMT

Magic user?

paint smock hehe

dagny and sariah

I have a one year old. wow.

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:50:01 GMT

Dagny turned one on Tuesday. I still cannot believe it. She is learning new words every day and I am always impressed. Today she said fish, day, and who knows what else. The kid is awesome. She now sings "baby, baby, yah. baby baby, yah" while signing baby when I put on Baby Signing Time. Cute cute cute. She loooves showing you her belly button if you ask.

We had a pajama party on Saturday. I have nearly 800 pictures so i will only post a small fraction of that!

Justice, Dagny, Semilla, mer, Srdjan, Christian, Sara, Lilyann (ethan snapped the photo)

me, justy, dagny

Sara and Dagny

Auntie Justy reading Where is Baby's Belly Button to Dagny

Dagny chose apple over cake (she usually chooses cake!)

"Where's your belly button?"

Justy and dagny in our bedroom

me

Justice and dagny

me and d at the library

library kisses

Me and daggers by the park in our neighborhood

Justice at the park

at the bus stop

at the bus stop

Eating pho xiao chay (tofu, noodles, and veggies)

nursing at mokabe's

silly

Dagny with friends at Mokabe's

Zonked after all the fun